


Dear Homeland

by SawVvV



Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Love, M/M, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:22:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29607999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SawVvV/pseuds/SawVvV
Summary: Based on the 1990s series TV show, Moomin.Ten years had passed.Moomintroll, the well-known vagabond, is coming back to his homeland, the Moominvalley, where nobody lives anymore after the Moomintrolls moved out. His long-time friend, Snufkin, hasn’t been seen anywhere since his last departure in winter, ten years ago.After a lonely trip, hoping he would find some reminiscence of his childhood memories, Moomintroll establishes in his old house.
Relationships: Mumintrollet | Moomintroll & Snusmumriken | Snufkin, Mumintrollet | Moomintroll/Snusmumriken | Snufkin, moomin - Relationship
Comments: 13
Kudos: 20





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Moomintroll x Snufkin fanfiction.  
> It will not contain SMUT, but it will contain ANGST and may imply possible death and depression.  
> Please bear in mind that I am not an English native speaker and I might make some errors. Thank you for your indulgence.  
> Thank you for reading! Enjoy your stay!  
> Love, Saw.

He has been waiting for two months now. The snow has been melting a long time ago, and the flowers have bloomed already. The spring has never been so early in Moominvalley. It was a perfect time to sail and fly now, and everyone has been waiting patiently for him to be ready. But he would never be ready if he had to go without telling him goodbye.

He hasn’t been moving at all. Sitting on the roof of the house, no matter the weather; no cold and no wind would stop him from waiting for his friend. Sometimes Little My would sit beside him and pull her knees against her chest, her arms around them, and they would watch together in the same direction. She had tried to push him from the roof or to make him talk at all, but the Moomintroll would remain silent.

“I told you he’s not coming,” she would say aggressively, and the silent Moomintroll would blink more slowly, like he was concentrating not to listen to her. Then she would jump and complain to Sniff for not helping to make Moomintroll react.

Snork Maiden had also tried to make him react, but he wouldn’t talk. He would only thank her and Mamma for bringing meals, and then he would immediately keep looking in that same direction, observing the bridge and the mountains intensively, focusing to not overlook any detail. He would barely sleep anymore.

Papa had tried to talk to him as well. “I’m not tired, Papa,” Moomintroll had murmured. “I’m fine. I know he will come very soon. He always does.”

During his long wait, Moomintroll would hold the harmonica he gave him in his hand, and hold it tightly between his weak fingers, just like he was holding his friend’s hand. No one knew what Moomintroll was thinking about, staying high up on the roof all day, without moving an inch. The powerful wind would sometimes slide in the instrument and whistle a random melody out of it, which would make the Moomintroll startle each time, before realizing it was not him.

At this point, everyone would have given up; but Moomintroll wanted to see his friend so much he couldn’t give up. One last time. Just another day. He’ll come; I know he will. The Snork was getting impatient and angry to delay the departure. His flying ship was finally ready and he couldn’t wait to leave. They were going to live on another island, and to rebuild a completely new life. The size of the ship would allow everyone in the Moominvalley to go. They would all leave together. They were just waiting for one person to finally depart.

One more day. That’s what he would always answer with his tired look in his eyes. He would come tomorrow, Moomintroll was certain he would. And the day after tomorrow, he had dreamt he had come back, and that he had established his tent right by the bridge. And the day after that, he would come for sure, the wind had calmed down, he would probably walk down the path playing his harmonica like he always does.

He never came.

When the propellers started to spin and the ship started to fly, everyone had gasped with amazement and excitement. The weather was clear and the wind was good, which allowed the ship to fly without any danger. With a sailing ship, the journey would have taken two or three days, but the flying ship was so powerful and dashing it would only take a day. Many inventors had come to see The Snork’s invention, and the crowd cheered for him as the inventors praised him. Snork Maiden had never seen his brother having such a happy expression on his face.

Moomintroll had been lying in his bed for the whole journey.

His parents had come to see him in his cabin at the end of the day. They seemed to be very embarrassed. Their boy was hiding his face under the blanket, and wouldn’t respond to their questions. “We will arrive soon,” Papa said in an awkward tone. He left the cabin to let Mamma alone with Moomintroll.

Mamma sat on the bed.

“Dear, listen… We didn’t want to tell you,” she started. She paused. She was playing with her fingers. Then, she took the suitcase she was holding and opened it. She took the thing from the suitcase, and turned her head to her son. Moomintroll didn’t move, still covered in his blanket and turned to the wall. But suddenly the familiar smell made him jump.

Mamma had closed her eyes, close to the tears. “We found this,” she said faintly, and as she started crying, Moomintroll stopped breathing. He snorted, trying to keep himself from crying, but the familiar smell made him burst into tears. Then he whimpered, more and more loudly, and begged and begged, and implored Mamma it wasn’t what it was, but she kept on weeping without giving him an answer.

The tears fell on Snufkin’s hat.


	2. Chapter 2

A tune of harmonica could be heard, high up in the skies.

The birds flying around started to land on the bridge, curious of what they heard. They started to sing along the music with enthusiasm. It was such a melancholic and pleasant tune. When he stopped, the birds stared at him for a while, hoping he would start making music again.

“Sorry, birdies,” he said, adjusting his hat. “The song is over.”

He put the harmonica back in his shoulder bag. Now humming the tune, he walked along the bridge guardrail, his hand passing slowly on it, and watched what was under him. There wasn’t any cloud at all. The ocean was a pure and beautiful blue, reflecting the brightness of the clear sky. In the distance, afar from where he was, he could see a familiar island.

Moominvalley.

Oh, how long was that trip! When Moomintroll first departed, he was so lonely at first that he felt grateful whenever a bird went by and started to sing along the tune of his harmonica. He remembered being so scared he was crying alone in his cabin. Beginnings are always scary. He wanted to go and to do like Snufkin, being an adventurer, having time for himself, discovering countries and places he had never seen before. No one could blame him for wanting to do that. Everyone knew it was hard for him to mourn over Snufkin’s disappearance. No one has ever seen him for years. Not even the Joxter and the Mymble. The only thing we had found was his green hat. Nothing else. It was a mystery.

The Snork had fabricated a flying ship for Moomintroll. Right before he departed, his parents cried and held him tightly, like they didn’t want to let him go. It was hard for everyone; Sniff who begged him to stay, Little My and Snork Maiden who wanted to accompany him. He had said no. He needed to travel alone. His parents had given him thousands of advices. Be safe. Don’t eat that, and eat that instead. Never fall asleep when the ship is flying. Be careful. Write us letters. Don’t forget to come back. We love you.

It has been fun, of course! These past years, he had seen so many things he had never thought he would see. He has been doing so many things, encountering so many people, had made so many friends. The vagabonds had started to know him. Whenever they would see his flying ship, they would cheer, and they would call: Captain Moomintroll! Captain Moomintroll! His name has gotten known from all around the world, like a legend. He was the mysterious, carefree Captain Moomintroll, for always saving everyone in need and being so generous, but never demanding anything in return. The legend of his time.

He had learned to love the loneliness he feared so much before. And he understood why his friend used to like so much this style of life. After he experienced it, he acknowledged that he liked living that way too. Being so free and able to go anywhere you want to, anywhere in the world, the adrenaline and the meetings! The silence and the feeling of freedom and responsibility growing in his chest, but also the joy of adventure! That each day was different! He always visited his parents in a while, and that was the time of the year now. Surely, he will have plenty of things to tell Snork Maiden and his parents when he’ll be home.

On the way back home, while he was planning the journey, he had noticed that Moominvalley was on his way. From all the places he had been, he had never gathered the courage to go back there. There was nobody. Everyone has moved out, and the person he longed the most to see wasn’t there anymore. So why would he go there? It was gloomy, and full of painful childhood memories.

But the more he thought about it, the more he realized it was only his cowardice talking. It has been ten years now. He had accomplished way more than what he expected, he had grown into an adult. To overcome fears, you have to face them. That’s how he decided to go to Moominvalley. He promised himself not to go back home until he lived at least one month down there. It was the beginning of everything, where he has been born and where he has been living his entire childhood. It wouldn’t be painful to go back. Only nostalgic. Nostalgic, and refreshful to go back here.

The island was getting closer by the minute. Moomintroll hadn’t decided yet where he would land, but he sure had the time to think about it. Not on the beach, that would be too dangerous if the waves were to damage the ship. Maybe close to his own old house. Or maybe on that hill, or maybe in the middle of that green valley. The sight of the stream, of the mountains, and of his childhood house made his heart flutter. When he landed and hopped from the ship, and when he walked down the road to his house, he couldn’t help but smile the whole time.

“Home sweet home,” Moomintroll murmured as he stood still in front of the house.

He walked around silently, not daring to enter. His sparkling eyes and his waving tail were enough to tell of how nostalgic and happy he felt right now. It was very sunny, and the wind calmly but surely blew on him, like it was welcoming him back home. Moomintroll slowly, slowly approached his hand to the wall, touched it, and then passed his hand on the veranda’s fence, then took the stairs, and stared at the old furniture on the veranda.

It had changed. Not much, though, but it had changed for sure – it was dusty, as expected, and the colors were much less vivid than before. But nothing else had changed. The blue walls, the red roof, the veranda, the front door, the ladder he took to leave his bedroom, the cellar! Everything looked the same. He knew exactly where each thing was, and how each room was. He was certain the inside hadn’t changed, if it wasn’t for the cobwebs and the dust.

He opened the door of the veranda. It wasn’t locked; or maybe it was locked, but after so many years, it couldn’t close properly anymore. The furniture hadn’t moved. It was extremely dusty and full of cobwebs, and very dark as well. Moomintroll entered the kitchen, went to the living room, opened the windows, took off the blankets that were covering the chairs and the table. It was just as he recalled it was.

Moomintroll took the stairs, and he explored each room with the curiosity of a newborn. He pulled the curtains and opened every window, coughing because of the dust. Everything was amazing him. He started to cry out for himself: Papa’s desk! Mamma and Papa’s bedroom! Little My’s room, or more simply put the guests’ room! And then he entered his bedroom. He couldn’t feel happier right now. He opened the window and went out, even though he struggled a little, since he was taller and bigger now. He sat on the rooftop, and looked at the view.

Just like he remembered it looked like. Such an outstanding view.

He sat there for long minutes, and closed his eyes. The sunbeams warmed him, and the wind pushed his hairs. Moomintroll held his hat in order not to let it being blown away. He felt lucky it was the summer. Maybe it wouldn’t have been much the same under the rain of fall. He felt good. And warm. And not lonely at all, in fact; he felt like all the memories were getting back to him. He had been happy here. He had fun with his friends, and he had been running around for adventure, with Papa, Mamma, Sniff, Little My, Snork Maiden and Snufkin.

Snufkin.

Maybe it was just missing a familiar tune of harmonica.

Moomintroll took the instrument out of his shoulder bag and manipulated it with precaution. He hesitated to play. He feared that playing this tune alone on the roof of his childhood house would awake painful memories. He just wanted to enjoy the moment right now, and he didn’t know whether or not the harmonica tune would make it sad or not.

The moomintroll approached the harmonica to his mouth. He could remember the melody perfectly. He had practiced it, more exactly. At the time, he didn’t play harmonica; but when he was still mourning over his disappearance, he had been dreaming of his friend all the time. And he would always appear playing his harmonica. It wasn’t always the same tune; they were the tunes Snufkin always played to calm down Moomintroll. Because he kept hearing them in his dreams, Moomintroll had learned it. To this day, it was still impressive to him that the dream had somehow helped him to learn the songs.

In the dream, Snufkin would either be sitting on the grass, or on the bridge, or in his tent, and he would play the harmonica before waving to his friend. _Moomintroll. Moomintroll._ They would sit, and Moomintroll would watch his friend fishing, and they would talk about life. Snufkin would talk about his adventures down in the South, and Moomintroll would always ask for more details, and would propose to go on an adventure together soon. In the middle of the conversation, Snufkin would suddenly giggle and reach his hand out to Moomintroll. They would hold hands. And at that part, Moomintroll would always fear that the dream would end here; most of the time, it was.

_I’ll be back in Spring._

Moomintroll didn’t dream of him anymore. He had stopped after he left his parents, and started to travel. He had so many things in his head that he wouldn’t think of him, or more exactly, even if he was thinking about him, he wasn’t so sad anymore. Maybe that, unconsciously, he had accepted that his friend was dead. In his loneliness, Moomintroll would sometimes talk to Snufkin in a delirious instant, like he was there and could hear him. On the outside, he would probably look like some sort of crazy man, but doing that had made him feel happier. It was sort of relieving. It was hard to accept that Snufkin had abandoned him. Moomintroll wanted to imagine that his friend has been eaten, or anything like that, that would make his death worthy and that would make him imagine that Snufkin has been living a life full of fun and freedom, like he wanted to.

After he finished playing the melody, Moomintroll realized he was crying.

He wiped his tears with a hand and snorted. With his free hand, he pressed his hat on his eyes and sighed slowly.

It’s okay to cry. Mamma had said it very often, when he was little. It’s easy to encounter a reluctance to tears at a certain age. You want to act hard on the outside to show how impassible and cool you may be, but it’s aching inside and you can’t help it. But you can’t cry, no, don’t cry, you’re a grown up, hold your tears and just act like you don’t care; and then, suddenly, somehow a naughty word will make you startle by its violence and touch your damaged heart. And you don’t know why you burst into tears all of a sudden, even though you managed to restrain them from falling down so many times, but just not now.

So, he let the tears flow, although his lungs ached because he was sobbing so hardly that he was struggling to breathe.

He wished he could go back in time and tell him not to go. He had thought about it so often. The feeling was coming back. The sadness, the gloominess was coming back and overwhelming him. He wished he had told him not to go. Not this time. Stay, this time. Don’t give me your harmonica, no, that’s you I want, I want you to stay. Don’t you go away, don’t you walk away without me, I’m your friend, I want us to be reunited together before you disappear forever.

During his trip, Moomintroll has been South. There were times where people recognized the hat he was wearing. “It’s Snufkin’s hat,” they would point out, and then they would ask with overjoy how the vagabond is doing. They would tell Moomintroll about the fantastic adventure they had where Snufkin joined them, or saved them, or whatever, and Moomintroll would restrain himself not to cry because he wished he could tell them good news about Snufkin. All he could say was that Snufkin was gone. “Gone where?” “No one knows.” He wished he knew.

Moomintroll went to the kitchen and the living room and wiped away the dust. He avoided to look at the furniture. They would recall him too many things. When he was done doing that, he went back to the ship and had dinner. The night was falling already. It was pretty. The sunset was blue and orange, and the clouds that had appeared reflected the same colors. Moomintroll leaned on the bridge’s guardrail to look at it, smoking his pipe.

The smoke elevated in the air.

Tomorrow he will be cleaning the rest of the house.


	3. Chapter 3

He had been living in his house for four days now.

He had fully cleaned up the house, and he was pretty proud of what he had done. The house looked fresher, and he had been sleeping inside for two days now. He had established himself in his old room, but he had still tidied the others rooms. When he was little, he didn’t really acknowledge of how tiring the chores were, and how praiseful Mamma’s work was. Now he could only feel amazement thinking about Mamma. Ah, how he missed her tea!

His food resources were slowly decreasing day after day. He had still a ton of food stocked in his flying ship, but he preferred to watch his back, and wondered if he should go to the forest in order to find anything edible. He went, and came back with fruits and mushrooms – he had learned which ones were edible by now. His adventures and the numerous friends he made had helped him to learn what was edible and what was poisonous. Somehow, it was like he was on a new adventure; he had to rediscover the Moominvalley, its qualities and its flaws. He was having fun. If the others were there with him, that would have been even funnier.

He was barely in contact with Sniff and Little My anymore. Well, he knew what they have become, and when he was going home, Papa would tell him; but it’s true he hadn’t seen them in a while. It’s hard to keep in contact with anyone when you’re an adventurer. You spend most of your time moving, you can’t receive letters!

After he ended up cleaning the house and gathering food for himself, since he hadn’t much to do but strolls, he spent most of his time walking around. He went by all the houses that were now abandoned and dusty, walked along the beach and stared at the sea, made long, long walks throughout the forest. He thought about the people that didn’t want to go with them; where did they go? What have they become? There was no trace of anyone anymore. No campfires. The abandoned houses that could have been used hadn’t been touched. No one but him.

During his walks, Moomintroll was either humming, or playing his harmonica, or silently reminding himself of the memories that were laying in these places. He collected shells, and that reminded of Snork Maiden; he climbed in the trees, and that reminded him of when they played Tarzan; he went into the cave near the cliff, and that reminded of Sniff. Back in the days, he and his friends weren’t thinking about tomorrow: they were just excited to go on another adventure and delighted to discover new places, new people, new feelings! Exactly the spirit he felt right now. Moomintroll was glad he hadn’t lost the spirit of adrenaline and need of discovery many lose when they grow up.

He had thought about Snufkin, too.

He hadn’t cry since the other day, but he was still a little gloomy thinking about him. That reminded him the time he waited for him to come back, which was a very painful time. But he knew it was stupid to focus on the bad memories. He was may more than that! He recalled how funny it had been going on adventures with him: the sight of his friend fishing on the grass, or the sight of him playing his harmonica on the bridge! A Snufkin who wasn’t afraid to commit crimes, or a Snufkin wise and smiling, with good advices! There were plenty of things to remember besides that hard time. Snufkin hadn’t left without leaving anything behind. He had left many things: his hat, his harmonica, and precious memories.

The seventh day, Moomintroll had been surprised to see smoke coming from the forest.

At first, he didn’t believe it, but the next day, he realized there was definitely smoke coming through the trees. There was no mistake. Moomintroll felt excited to know there was someone else here. He immediately went to see. Oh, who could that be? Was that recent, or was there someone living in the Forest of Witches for long? He ran to the forest to know the answer of these interrogations. He really hoped it was someone’s fire, not just some fire accident – which would be way more concerning, actually.

As he walked in the Forest of Witches, Moomintroll realized he knew exactly who it was. Of course! Of course it would be her. She hadn’t left with them. The more he progressed, the more he was sure it was her. When he stood in front of the little house, he couldn’t help but smile. The smoke was indeed coming from the little chimney. Before, Moomintroll would be afraid to knock on a Witch’s house, but he was so happy at the thought of seeing one of his friends again that he didn’t hesitate.

“Alicia!” He called out, and he knocked enthusiastically on the door. It didn’t take long for the door to open. The young woman who answered seemed to be bewildered to see the man in front of her. She gasped, and stared at him for a few seconds, seemingly unable to process what was happening.

“Moomin?” She ended up asking.

“Yes, it’s me! Moomin!” Moomintroll said. But she didn’t need that answer, because the expression on his face was expressive enough. Of course it was him. He was taller and bigger now, and he seemed way more determined and self-confident, but it was definitely him. They smiled like two idiots, and ran into each other’s arms.

“Oh, Moomin!” Alicia exclaimed. “It’s been so long! I’ve missed you!”

“I missed you too, Alicia!”

What a good surprise it was! Neither of them had thought they would see each other again. After longs seconds of hugging each other, she let him enter. Moomintroll sat on the bench, and looked around. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as uncomfortable than what he expected it to be from a Witch’s house. It was really cozy, with cute carpets on the ground and pretty curtains, everything was pretty colorful. He recalled a creepy and dark house. Alicia went to sit beside him, and giggled as she noticed he was looking around in disbelief.

“I know, Grandma had an awful sense of decoration!”

They laughed together.

They spent the whole afternoon together. They had so much to tell each other! Ten years is both so long and so short; they needed to get to know each other again because they had grown, but at the same time, the friendship had remained intact between them.

Alicia’s grandmother had passed away for a few years now. Alicia had become an accomplished Witch since then. She was so excited she didn’t think about asking Moomintroll why he was here. Instead, she took him by the hand and showed him all the potions, the recipes, the things she collected and made and she seemed to be so proud of her work. She talked about the spells she had learned, showed many books she had memorized. She said that now she could fly and that she could freeze people, like Grandma could. Moomintroll listened to her with a smile on his face. She was really adorable, getting all excited like that.

She had so much to say it got dark before she was done. When she realized the sun had set already, Alicia flushed and hid her face in her hands.

“Oh! Do I talk too much? I’m sorry, Moomin. I haven’t talked to someone in a while,” she whimpered.

Moomintroll chuckled. “You talked a lot, but it was really interesting!” Alicia seemed to relax. She played with her hair with a shy smile. “I am very impressed to see that you’ve become a real Witch now. You look nothing like your Grandma, though.”

“Oh, of course not! I told her I was going to be a popular Witch!” She crossed her arms with a smirk. “Well, I’m not exactly popular, but I’m doing my best to be.”

“Really, you do?”

“Yes! I visit the village near there very often and sell my potions! I don’t want the Witches to be viewed as terrifying anymore, so I’m trying to befriend the residents. The little kids are still a bit afraid of me, but I think it’s a matter of time.”

“That’s great, Alicia!” Moomintroll said, surprised. He sincerely thought so. She wasn’t just a great witch. She was also working hard to change people’s views on them. So that’s the kind of person she has become.

She stayed silent a few seconds, before smiling tenderly to him.

“What about you, Moomin?” Alicia asked. She took her hands in hers, and he let her do it. She made him sit, standing in front of him, holding his hands, and tilted her head to the side. Her long, red hair fell on her shoulder graciously. “Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“You’re back in Moominvalley after so long! That must be for a reason.”

“Oh,” Moomintroll murmured. “Yes.”

He looked away, not knowing how to respond to that. Yes, there definitely was, but how to say it? It wasn’t only for the nostalgia, or for the childhood memories. It was to overcome his fear, to overcome the mourn he had never been done dealing with; and to this day, it wasn’t getting better. That’s why he was playing his tunes all the time, that’s why he has been wearing his hat nonstop and that’s why he was coming back today to Moominvalley.

But he felt embarrassed to say it. It was sorrowful to say his name.

Alicia felt his hands tightening on hers, and she glanced at him with kindness and patience. “It’s alright. You don’t have to tell me,” she said softly, and she let go of his hands. She went to the kitchen and tied her hair in a ponytail before rolling up her sleeves.

“I’m sorry!” Moomintroll said quickly, surprised of her reaction. “It’s not against you…”

“Don’t be, Moomin! I should be sorry for asking. Say, will you stay tonight? I’m going to make dinner. You can’t go back to Moominvalley when it’s dark like that.”

She was so kind and positive Moomintroll couldn’t help but feel grateful. This kind of energy was exactly what he needed right now. He was glad he had made the decision to run to see who had made the fire, and he was glad that after so many years, she was still living here.

“Alright, I’ll stay,” Moomintroll said. He managed to smile. “But you let me help!”

Alicia laughed.

“You bet!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NU_0OH9xzo

The days passed just like that; spending fulfilling afternoons berry-picking with Alicia and spending marvelous nights gazing at the starry sky together. Sometimes going fishing, sometimes strolling in the forest by himself, Moomintroll started to find himself quite immersed in his ‘new’ environment. Maybe a bit too immersed, actually: he remembered that a vagabond doesn’t stay long at the same place. If a routine was starting to be made, he should break it already. So, with a sigh, sometimes, he would gloomily ask Alicia for advices – and she would gladly tell him that he shouldn’t think about it, and instead, he should help her doing her chores.

Alicia told him that even though she hadn’t seen him in a while, she had always known what he was up to. He was quite surprised, but after she explained, it sounded rather fair: Captain Moomintroll, as everyone called him, was known from so many people now that it wouldn’t be hard for anyone to know about him. It could have been any other Moomintroll, but Alicia knew it was him – because who other Moomintroll would become a vagabond driving a flying ship made by the Snork? Becoming a vagabond symbol had never been Moomintroll’s objective, but he accepted his fate when he realized that if his name were to be known, Snufkin, wherever in the world he would be, would have news from him.

One night, Alicia and Moomintroll were stargazing on the Moominhouse’s roof. They were having late snacks, and they were talking about life and all that stuff. They always had something to tell the other. Moomintroll would smoke his pipe and Alicia would ask him questions, or talk about her.

“So you tell me that Sniff got married!” she exclaimed, and she sounded rather delighted. “What kind of person is his wife?”

Moomintroll sighed and the smoke went out of his mouth before rising into the air. “She seems really fragile and easily impressed. She is timid and more of scaredy-cat than him, so she’s perfect for him! He acts all brave around her and shows her his discoveries.”

“Ah, discoveries! Ah yes, because he has been working with the Hemulen, hasn’t he!”

“That’s right! The Hemulen and he had opened a flower shop, and now they grow species that no one has never seen. They make a lot of money.”

“Aah, it takes me back,” Alicia said. “So Sniff had realized his dream. He’s rich now! And he’s married! How happy and satisfied he must be!”

“Perhaps,” Moomintroll said, “but the truth is, you’re never really satisfied even when you reached your dream. That’s how life is! Pursuing dreams until they become real, and then having new dreams, because life would be boring if it ended here.”

“You’ve really become quite philosophical, Moomin.”

“Am I?”

“You remind me of him.”

That almost made him drop his pipe out of surprise. Moomintroll looked at her with bewildered eyes, as he immediately knew who she was talking about.

He was about to speak, but she soon added: “You know, I was the one who found your hat. I mean, his hat – but it’s become yours by now I suppose.”

“You did?”

“Oh, yes,” Alicia said, and she put her hands together like she was praying. “It’s clear as ever in my head, because I remember very well that you were waiting for him to come back. It was in very early Spring, and you hadn’t woken up yet from your hibernation. I found his hat near the Lonely Mountains, right by the lake – you know which lake, right? And it had been caught in a tree, and birds had established their nest in it. I recognized his hat, and took it, and thought he had lost it and that I could give it back to him later.”

“Why didn’t you give it to me right away?” Moomintroll asked accusingly, even though he didn’t mean to sound that aggressive.

“I did,” Alicia said, braiding her hair nervously. She looked sad, and Moomintroll lowered his eyes. “I did, really. I mean, I didn’t give it right away, because I only learned later that you weren’t departing because you were waiting for Snufkin. When I knew, I gave it to Moominmamma. I told her to give it to you, because since you and all the others were going to the new island, I thought you would like to keep it.”

A little silence, but long enough to make the two of them embarrassed.

“At that time… Do… Did you think… Did you already think that Snufkin was…, he was…”

“I don’t know,” Alicia interrupted kindly, because she knew that topic was sensible for the Moomintroll. She continued with a firmer voice. “But even if he isn’t with us anymore, he would be really happy to see what you have become, Moomin! Look at what you’ve become! How much you’ve grown! A vagabond, a proud one! You’re Captain Moomintroll! Everyone looks up to you!”

Moomintroll opened his mouth, but couldn’t find anything to reply.

She went on: “Listen, Moomin, I know it must have been hard. I’m not saying I understand, but I know and I can tell it’s been hard, and that you’re not over it. But I think you’ve passed the torch now. You did it! You’ve become a vagabond just like him! Snufkin would be happy, wherever he may be right now. You did great. You can stop thinking about him now!”

“How… How do you know I’m still thinking about him?” exclaimed Moomintroll, both surprised and ashamed.

“Well,” said Alicia. “It’s quite clear in your eyes. Don’t forget that I’m a witch. I can read you easily. I know you’ve been thinking about _someone_ , and even without magic, it’s easy to tell that your mind is kinda preoccupied. But anyway, you’re thinking about _someone_ , and that can’t be anyone else but him.”

“It _could_ have been anyone else,” he muttered timidly. The Moomintroll lowered his head quite shamefully, a little red, while the Witch smiled encouragingly at him.

“Now, tell me,” said Alicia gently. “Is something the matter with Snufkin?”

At these words, the Moomintroll started to cough on his pipe. He coughed so hardly, and pretended to have the smoke in his eyes so he could rub them fiercely. Alicia stared at him patiently.

“You… You may be right. _I’ve been_ thinking about him.”

“Mm! I knew it.”

“I’m… sorry I worried you,” started Moomintroll, and Alicia seemed to be surprised to that reaction. “I should have told you since the beginning. You know, I… the reason I came to the island…”

“Oh! No, no! I’m not reproaching anything to you!”

“Still, I’m sorry I made you worried. And, well… About… him… Snufkin.” It ached just to say his name. “You know, I’ve thought about it thoroughly now and then. And… no matter what, I can’t seem to accept that… he… he may not be with us anymore. All these years, I didn’t just travel because I wanted to copy him, I also wanted… to… to… like, I wished I…”

“…you wanted to find him?” Alicia completed his sentence.

Moomintroll nodded slowly, and closed his eyes. He munched the end of his pipe, and then sighed again, releasing smoke.

“But I never found him. Instead, I found memories, I found friends, and I found good experiences from these travels. And most of all, I’ve realized that he had an impact on so many people. I have met plenty of people who told me: It’s Snufkin’s hat, isn’t it?” He coughed awkwardly, for he still wasn’t used to say Snufkin’s name out loud.

Alicia was looking at the dark sky patiently, listening to her friend talking.

“And they told me how he has been nice, or brave, or funny, and that warmed my heart to know that he had left these memories behind. And now, I have plenty of memories of him with me – some that aren’t even mine. But, deep down…” His voice cracked. “I just don’t want to accept he’s gone forever.”

Moomintroll felt Alicia’s hand touching his arm affectionately.

“So I’ve come back to the Moominvalley. All these years, I couldn’t – not without him, not without all the others. But they never intended to come back, they were busy with their own life. But Moominvalley was the beginning of everything. Even now, it’s my favorite place so far. I decided to come, even if that meant to be alone, and to cry over and over: I wanted to get over it. To stop mourning over him. To relieve my grief.” He turned his eyes to her. “But you were there, so I didn’t get to be so lonely. I’m glad we met again.”

“I’m glad too,” said Alicia.

“In the end, I’ve come to understand what kind of life he had, and how fulfilling his travels were. And I understand why he liked to travel so much, and why he kept moving places all the time. I’ve experienced it now, and I must say, if he were to reappear, maybe I wouldn’t keep him from departing like when I used to when I was younger. I was trying to hold him back, but I shouldn’t have.”

“But you were a child, Moomin!” Alicia protested. “Why are you saying that?”

“That was selfish of me, wasn’t it?”

“Come on!” Alicia said, and she frowned. “You can’t be so hard on your past self! Like, I can’t be angry against my past self for not knowing how to fly on a broomstick! I just didn’t know at the time! That’s the same thing! You didn’t realize yet all the things you understand now. So don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“But… Do…” He stuttered, and hesitated. “Do… you think he was annoyed with me? Because I was telling him not to go away? Because I missed him?”

“Of course not! You guys were best friends, remember? That’s why he gave you his harmonica.”

Moomintroll discreetly snorted. “I miss him so much,” he mumbled after a long pause. “Anyway, you’re right. If Snufkin were here, I’m sure he would be really surprised to see the adventurer I’ve become.”

“That’s the spirit,” said a smiling Alicia. “Everyone is, after all. You don’t realize how much of an honor it is to be your acquaintance! We are all proud to say that we’re friends with Captain Moomintroll!”

“You’re exaggerating,” Moomintroll flushed. Alicia grinned and had a little laugh of delight. She sounded really happy, and relieved. Moomintroll was, too. “Thank you, Alicia.”

The young Witch took her broomstick in her hand and smiled at the Moomintroll. He watched her as she was getting up and shaking her dress.

“Well then,” she started. “I guess I should get going. You need some time to yourself, don’t you?”

“Oh… Right. Thank you. You’re always so considerate. And also, thank you for telling me that…”

“Oh! Don’t thank me again! You drive me crazy!” She laughed heartily. “You’re most welcome, of course, my friend. Well.” She jumped on the broomstick and started to fly on it. She gazed at Moomintroll and smiled gently at him. “Good night!”

“Good night,” said Moomintroll.

He watched the Witch fading eerily away in the sky and observed the moon silently. He put down the pipe, and for once, he no longer felt the awful need to smoke usually pressuring his chest.


	5. Chapter 5

He wiped the sweat out of his face, and paused for a moment to drink some water. Gosh, it was getting so hot. Maybe he should have asked to Alicia to come with him, it was getting a bit lonely up there with no one to talk to. Moomintroll stopped to take a look at the view from where he was. On the top of Lonely Mountains, there was such a superb landscape of Moominvalley.

Lonely Mountains. Last time he had been there, it was with Snufkin and the others; they had gone to see the Golden Fish. Even if ten years had passed, everything had remained quite the same, and he managed to find his way easily to the Golden Fish Lake. Oh, that’s right, he remembered now, Stinky was with them too at that time. Sniff and he had tried to get the Golden Fish. Now he wondered where Stinky could have gone after all these years, but he smothered the thought away rapidly.

He had decided to climb the Lonely Mountains to get to the Lake, and perhaps establish himself up there for a day or two to fish and relax. If Snufkin had last been seen here, he wanted to go there, to follow his traces, and to finally put an end to his grief. The conversation with Alicia the other day had gave him the courage to. He continued to hike, holding his hat tightly so it wouldn’t be blown away.

“I know that you’re sad,” Sniff had told him once, “but you know, you should get over it. It’s been like five years now. Try to think of something else, find a new best friend.”

“Don’t make fun of me! You can’t understand my sorrow when you’ve just got married!” had exclaimed Moomintroll back then, furious at that remark. “You will never understand! You must be so happy right now!”

“But I was just trying to cheer you up!” Sniff had protested sadly.

“Moomin, stop already!” Snork Maiden had shouted reproachfully. “You can’t talk to Sniff like that! You can’t behave so badly and say it’s because you’re sad! That’s not right!”

Looking back at that conversation, Moomintroll felt remorse.

When he arrived, he felt the fresh mountain air tingling his senses. At last, he had arrived. The Gold Fish Lake was as beautiful as he remembered. It was like looking at a painting. The summer’s weather was making everything even more marvelous; the sky was reflecting in the clear water, the birds were chirping happily, the fish was swimming swiftly, the grasshoppers jumping heartily, and all the green, oh, the green, the bright green of the grass, it was fulfilling! Bright, vivid colors never failed at making the Moomintroll happy.

He noticed that a raft was attached to a tree on the side of the lake. It was a very old raft, and it must’ve been spoiled by the weather and time, because it broke as Moomintroll stepped on it. Maybe it was the same they had used back in their youth. That would explain why it’s so old and creaky.

Knowing he would need to build a new one to fish on the lake, Moomintroll felt as lively as ever; he put down his tent and his stuff and got ready to build another raft. Ah, building was probably one of his favorite things! He liked cutting and assembling things together, repairing old engines and propellers. It was probably the Snork that had influenced his liking in building, or maybe the fact that he had to take care of his flying ship, which was a very difficult task he ended up appreciating very much. Moominpappa would definitely be proud of him.

When he was travelling, Moomintroll had realized that no matter your age, you can always grow up; he had met people from various ages, from various horizons, and they always had something to teach him, yet Moomintroll always had something to teach them in return. Sometimes the companions joining him would get amazed by his adventures, even by the most basic things, like discovering a castle or climbing a mountain, just like him when he used to be amazed when Snufkin was telling his. The experience and the pleasure of travelling was a feeling like no other.

But it wasn’t in Moomintroll’s nature to be alone, unlike Snufkin always pretended it was his. The Moomintrolls were really friendly creatures, who liked to live in community; they craved for adventure, yet they didn’t like solitude, and Moomintroll couldn’t erase this side of himself. He allowed lots of people to join his ship, and some left him, and he left some. He was an adventurer, a vagabond, but he wasn’t the vagabond he ought to be – just like his friend. But right now, he wondered: Was it inconvenient to be different? To not be like Snufkin?

And naturally, the answer was no. It wasn’t inconvenient, and it didn’t matter – everyone liked Captain Moomintroll the same way everyone in Moominvalley had liked Snufkin the poetic vagabond. They were different, yes, but being different wasn’t a bad thing in the end. People like you the same – just in a different way.

Ah, fishing! He liked fishing! How he liked to be on a boat, rocked by the waves, and to be waiting for nothing, but just a fish to bite his bait. He would play his harmonica while waiting, and the birds would join him, and they would share a meal together! When he had left his parents, he hardly knew how to cook properly, so when he came back, he had asked Mamma to teach him how to. Now he could prepare feast for his own good, which was really pleasant indeed. Having a meal all alone might be sad at times, but having a good meal, that gives you pleasure and happiness, is way less sad and reminds you of your loved ones.

While he crafted the raft, he wondered about the people he had promised to visit, and counted how many days he had been staying in Moominvalley. Almost two weeks. It was the thirteenth day. He was supposed to stay one month.

At the beginning of his travels, he was clumsy and didn’t know what to do. He had been quite rude and unaware of so many things. He wanted to copy his friend: he pushed away those who wanted to journey with him, and when he realized he wanted to establish himself somewhere, he reminded himself of the ‘vagabond rule’ and departed right away. Such stupid and unwritten rules, but Moomintroll thought he was doing it right. Soon enough, he realized that there wasn’t any good way of being a vagabond. Of course, you’d say: but for little Moomintroll, it wasn’t obvious, and he had realized how silly he had been. Other vagabonds were traveling in groups sometimes, and others were staying – like Snufkin did – in a place they liked very much for most of the year. When Moomintroll would tell them he wanted to leave, sometimes they would whine, oh, why, why, Captain, this is so sunny here, and so relaxing! Why would you want to leave a place like that? And Captain Moomintroll would stay quiet because he didn’t know himself why he was forcing the others to depart when there wasn’t any reason to.

Just like his hat, the melodies he played were recognized by some fellows, or at least they would get confused to have heard it somewhere, who would ask where the music was coming from. He would modestly say it’s from a friend, fella, a dear friend I’m looking for! The travelers, and the inhabitants as well, would often ask him why he didn’t play other tunes. Moomintroll’s response was always clear, yet incomprehensible to them: it’s because he didn’t want to. As simple as that.

When the sun set at last, Moomintroll had finished his raft, but decided to wait until next day to go fishing on the Lake. Oh! Maybe he could see the Golden Fish again! That would be quite a miracle, but not impossible! He was so excited about seeing the Golden Fish again that he woke up very early in the morning. He embarked on his raft, and headed to the somewhat middle of the Lake to have a good fishing spot, before letting the wind take care of where he would be in the end. All that time, he could hardly think of anything but Snufkin. Moomintroll no longer knew whether it was good or not that he had inherited all of Snufkin’s habits. The liking in fishing, the need of travelling, playing harmonica. Sometimes he would tell himself that yes, of course, that’s a heritage! That’s quite an honor to resemble his friend so much! Some other times, he would be gloomier and more pessimistic, and tell himself that he had no personality. Perhaps Captain Moomintroll wasn’t the person everyone thought it was; he was merely a pale copy of Snufkin.

He remembered the kind words of Akitu and Pekimu. “We don’t care if you’re not Snuff, we think you’re awesome!” That had got stuck with Moomintroll, in a very good way. And they had added, which had made Moomintroll laugh: “Will you play your tune for us another time, please?”

A blow of wind suddenly interrupted his thoughts. It was so violent it blew away Moomintroll’s hat – who gasped in surprise before making the raft head toward it to reach the poor green hat wet in the water. At that exact same moment, the fishing rod moved, as something got caught. “What?” said Moomintroll, surprised, still recovering from the hat being stolen away from him by the wind.

He pulled the fishing rod to see what had been caught by his bait. There wasn’t any fish around, and why would it get caught while the raft was moving? They would get scared. Still, he pulled up his catch to see. It wasn’t moving, nor struggling, so it would probably be some kind of junk that got stuck.

It was a fishing rod.

Moomintroll didn’t even know how to react. A fishing rod? Fishing a fishing rod? What kind of weird situation was that? He let out a laugh despite himself, and examined it with delight. Alright, it was funny, he had to admit it. What kind of fisher would let go of his fishing rod? What kind of funny story was behind that poor abandoned fishing rod? It was unexpectedly not broken, and the bait was painted bright red, even though time seemed to have spoiled the paint a little. How curious. Nobody has been here for ages, right? How bizarre to find a fishing rod out there! It’s not like this place was known from a lot of people as well. Maybe some adventurers like him, but in Moominvalley, for example, the only person who knew about this place was Snufkin.

He repeated that, slower in his head. The only person who knew about this lake was Snufkin.

Hold on a minute.

An uneasy feeling suddenly overwhelmed the Moomintroll. He felt sick to his stomach, and his throat ached for some reason, like something unrevealed was waiting to be told. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. He examined the fishing rod another time, more carefully, with shakier paws, and a crazily-beating heart. A fishing rod. A red bait. His hat has been found near here.

“Silly me!” happily exclaimed Moomintroll after long minutes of silence examining the fishing rod, and he talked as someone would hear him. “There’s no way he would be here! Right? It’s just a coincidence! Anyway, he can’t possibly have drowned here, or got eaten by the fish, or… or…”

He stayed silent.

No, really. It couldn’t be.

He took the raft to the shore and attached it to a tree, and walked impatiently around the lake. The feeling wouldn’t go away. His paws were moist, and he didn’t know why, but his heart wouldn’t stop shaking so crazily in his chest. He stared at the lake over and over, telling himself it was stupid and he was just having weird delusions, and regretted to have come, and cursed, and sighed, and shook his head desperately, and he continued walking, and suddenly he stopped in his steps.

On the other side of the lake, which he had went around, between all the water ferns and the pebbles and the fish swimming around it, there was a brown backpack floating.

He froze. Then reached his paw to it, and took it out of water, and hesitated a thousand times whether or not he should open it, and when he opened it, he dropped it.

He ran and ran through the forest at full speed, the fullest he could, and the most quickly he ever ran. He didn’t notice the branches scratching his fur and leaving wounds on his body, nor the rocks he stumbled on and made him fall, because he would get up right away. All that mattered was to get back to the Witch’s house. He ran and ran, he didn’t notice how thirsty he felt, and how miserable he was looking, and how painful his whole body was. Quicker, quicker, he jumped and fell, he ran and panted. He didn’t know whether he was sweating from the run or crying from the shock. At last, the Forest of Witches. It wasn’t just his imagination. He needed to be certain. He was certain, in fact. He was certain he would be here. He knew it. He knew it. He would be here.

When he opened the door, he almost collapsed to the ground. When he told Alicia, he was panting and stammered so much she hardly understood what he wanted. When he was on the broomstick with her, he nearly fell because he was so tired he couldn’t cling onto her during the flight. When he watched Alicia diving in the water after saying her magic spell, he didn’t dare to breathe at all. When Alicia came back to the surface, crying uncontrollably and pulling a body along with her, he knew he was right.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/TMBKMCcMjhI

_There’s something important for you. Don’t leave it behind. Else misfortune will fall upon you._

That’s what the cards said.

Snufkin took them and put them back in his bag, before thinking about the message he had just been given. It was the end of fall, and the cold beginning of winter. The soft glimpse of yellow light from the campfire, outside of the tent, was the only light of his lonely night. The wind blew harder on the tent, and Snufkin shivered. He adjusted his scarf and lied down, covering himself with his blanket, before closing his eyes. He couldn’t sleep yet.

“Something important for me?” whispered Snufkin softly.

He didn’t own anything important that he could eventually leave behind. He wasn’t the materialistic type anyway. As the sound of the wind blowing made its melody to rock Snufkin to sleep, the Mumrik thought about it thoroughly. Ah, it was winter already. It was time for him to make his way to the South. He hadn’t decided where he would go, but he would just keep on walking and see where it leads, like he always does. He thought about the Snork, who was also going South and had proposed him to go with him in his flying ship. That was a nice proposal, but he liked walking, and most of all, he wanted to travel because that allowed him to be alone.

What was important for him? The sound of the waves against the sand, the sound of the wind between the tall trees in the deepest forests, the sound of birds chirping celebrating an early spring. The sound of the fish rustling against the water, the sound of the crackling fire in the darkest nights and the sound of his mouth-organ at his loneliest times. Simple things, things no one could ever steal from him, things that didn’t belong to him yet he owned them all.

Soon, the Moomintrolls will be hibernating. Tomorrow will be the last day. And then he would be alone, on his way to the South.

Maybe he shouldn’t have asked the cards. Now he was feeling a bit nervous about what would fall upon him if he didn’t realize yet what he was going to leave behind. He hadn’t expected that, he thought they would tell him something more obvious, like directions he should go. He didn’t expect the cards to tell him not to go until he found out what was important for him.

Since he couldn’t sleep, despite the tranquil melody the wind was whistling for him, he took his harmonica and started playing. He got inspired to play a winter tune, that he had composed during one of his snowy journeys: quite sad and nostalgic, but with a little note of hope at the end. The wind accompanied his tune. The crackling fire, not extinguished yet, was adding a little rhythm to the song.

Calm. Tranquil. Cozy. What a beautiful night.

He thought about the ones who were hibernating during the winter, and how serene that must be. If he were to stay in one place during the winter, he would probably hibernate as well. He wasn’t so good with the cold. Hibernating would be like sleeping, but for a much longer time, and not realizing that you’ve slept for so long. You would close your curtain to a snowy window, and then when you’d open it in the morning it would be sunny and warm. That must be comfortable for sure.

But he would have missed so many beautiful things! He would have missed the first flowers blooming, the first birds coming from the South and the poetic sight of the snow melting under the first sunbeam. He would miss so many adventures awaiting for him, he would miss the sight of faraway volcanoes entering eruptions, he would miss the cold, lonely and frightening winter that was so inspiring to him.

Snufkin stopped playing and instead, he dreamt, he dreamt until he felt into slumber and started dreaming for real.

But the truth is, he wasn’t dreaming. There are the kinds who can dream, those who have what they call lucid dreams, which is extraordinary, and there are those who cannot dream – they just wake up empty. Snufkin was the kind to wake up empty, no matter how much he would sleep; he would awake and his slumber would just have felt like closing his eyes for a second. Maybe that’s why he didn’t enjoy sleeping much. It was boring and such a waste of time. But, when he was listening to Moomintroll’s dreams, or even nightmares, he would feel amazed, and almost jealous his friend could see so many things and feel so many emotions just through a night vision.

The next day was as cold as the others, maybe even colder. And quieter. People were preparing themselves to hibernate. Snufkin watched the Snork’s flying ship fading away behind the grey clouds, and gathered his own stuff to depart. He still didn’t know what he was going to leave behind, but if it was any material possession, then it probably wouldn’t matter. Even if the cards were saying things for a reason, he couldn’t figure out why they would tell him that. He didn’t care about leaving things behind. That was his main rule! Do not let yourself being overwhelmed by material possessions, else you’ll feel miserable when they’re gone or taken away from you. You own the world. That was the rule. He couldn’t go against his own nature.

Before leaving, Snufkin stood on the bridge one last time, watching the Moominhouse. And he stared at the highest window, wondering if he had started sleeping or not. The weather was foggy and grey. Winter was in the air. The Mumrik sat on the bridge’s guardrail, took his mouth-organ, and played as a last farewell. A farewell to everything; to everything the snow will eat up, a farewell to the nature sleeping for these long, chilly months, a farewell to Moominvalley, and a farewell to his friend. _If he’s not coming when the songs end, I’ll be leaving_ , he thought. So he played, and closed his eyes as he felt the weather getting colder. The snow started to fall and landed on his shoulders.

The first snows are always magical. A mixture of magic and gloominess, because the lack of color is suddenly replaced by a wonderful white, a pure, bright white, which overwhelms everything and makes everything disappear. And for Snufkin, there wasn’t anything gloomier than seeing everything getting absorbed in nothingness.

When Snufkin stopped playing, he raised his eyes and smiled, as he saw his friend running down the path. “Hey! Snufkin!” called Moomintroll, and Snufkin, patiently sitting on the bridge, watched him doing so. When he managed to get to Snufkin, he was panting. “So, you’re on your way now then!”

“Yes,” said Snufkin.

“I really wanted to come with you this year…”

Snufkin smiled patiently. “I’m sorry Moomin, but I must go alone.” As he said those words, he jumped from the bridge, and faced his friend, who had lowered his eyes.

“Yes, I know,” Moomintroll said. “So I just came out to say goodbye.”

“Goodbye to you, Moomin.”

“And you will be back in the Spring?” asked Moomintroll.

“Of course, I always am!” Snufkin said.

But as he looked at Moomintroll’s face, he hesitated and got speechless for a second. If, because he had crossed the cards’ interdiction and misfortune will fall upon him, he was to disappear, perhaps he wouldn’t be back. He gazed at Moomintroll before looking away.

Snufkin had never been so attached to someone before. He would always stroll and go wherever he likes the most, and follow the wind without thinking much about the rest. Most of the time, he had never seen again the companions he once met on his journeys. But Moomintroll was different. He had caused him to go back to Moominvalley every year, at the same time of the year, just to see him, and to have fun, and to share secrets, and to be together. He had always enjoyed solitude, but Moomintroll had taught him that sticking around one place wasn’t so bad after all. If he was to never come back again, whether in Moominvalley or in the whole world, Snufkin wished that at least one person would remember him; and he wished this one person would be Moomintroll.

The thoughts of a lonely Moomintroll, waiting for him to come back, waiting for a tune of harmonica that could be heard by the bridge shook his heart. Moomintroll will be sad. He would be so sad, and he wouldn’t have anything that would remind him of his friend. Snufkin was holding the mouth-organ in his hand. Instead of putting it back in his pocket, Snufkin handed the mouth-organ to Moomintroll, and smiled kindly. The Moomintroll stared at it, incredulous.

“Is this… for me?”

“Yes,” Snufkin softly said.

“But isn’t this your most prized possession, Snufkin?” Moomintroll asked timidly.

“That’s why I’m giving it to you. Play it when you think of me.” Since Moomintroll didn’t dare to take it, Snufkin handed it closer. “Here you go.”

“Thank you, Snufkin,” said Moomintroll emotionally.

He seemed to be delighted, and Snufkin was as well. They stared at each other lovingly. Ah, these blue eyes; ah, this white fur; ah, this round shape. Snufkin will miss these. He was always missing Moomintroll when he was away from Moominvalley, but this time – he didn’t know though, his heart was aching more than usual. Maybe it was because he was scared of the cards’ prediction; or maybe he just wanted to make Moomintroll happy; or maybe, at that moment, he knew that something was going to happen to him. And maybe that’s why he gave him his mouth-organ.

The snow was falling thicker. “I better get going, it started snowing already,” said Snufkin. He took his backpack, and turned to see his precious friend one last time.

“Goodbye,” said Moomintroll. “And thank you.”

He walked away.

He heard little footsteps following after him, but quickly stopped. He walked in the moist dirt, and in the freshly new fallen snow in silence. He lowered his eyes.

“See you next spring!” He heard a cracking voice shouting in the distance.

He fought his urge to look back.

He continued walking through the snow, through the cold, passed the houses of his friends, and for once, he did feel regrets. He didn’t know why, though. He didn’t know why his shoulders and hands felt so weak, and why he felt like coming back on his steps. Everyone must be asleep by now. Moomintroll must be back in his bed as well, and must have started hibernating. Snufkin kept on walking. No sound. Only the sound of his boots stepping on the snow, of the wind pushing him, and of his breath freezing in the air. He lowered his hat on his face for some reason.

Oh, how he hated goodbyes.

He decided to go by Lonely Mountains, so he could take a good look at a sleeping Moominvalley. It was breathtaking. He wanted to play a last tune before departing for good, but when his hand reached his pocket, he remembered he had given his instrument away. When he realized it, his throat ached even more. It was getting hard to breathe, like he was panting and not managing to regain his breath. He watched the Moominhouse, tall and blue, now covered in white; he looked at Moomintroll’s window, even though from where he was it was just a little dot in the distance; he looked up at the crying sky and since he didn’t have his mouth-organ, he started to whistle. A sorrowful, lonely whistling in the frightening silence of the beginning of winter.

“How strange,” Snufkin thought to himself. “I haven’t felt so depressed in a long time.”

He kept on walking, and not minding where he was going, headed to the Golden Fish Lake. When he arrived, he noticed happily that the water hadn’t froze yet – he could fish! And suddenly he felt livelier, and hurried to get to the Lake. With his hand, he touched the water: it was cold, but certainly liquid, and he could already see fish swimming from where he was. Ah, so maybe that was the reason he had been feeling gloomy! He hadn’t been fishing lately because of the cold. Surely one fishing session will make him delighted! Snufkin took the nearest raft around and pushed it into the water. He, oh so happily, prepared the bait for the fish to bite, and the little raft went on the Lake, peacefully pushed by the wind. It was the evening, and Snufkin hadn’t eaten yet. It was quite the perfect time for him to fish. He ate the jam Moominmamma had gifted to him, that he had in his backpack because he was hungry after all. And he waited patiently for a fish to bite.

Snufkin wanted to play, but he hadn’t his mouth-organ anymore; therefore, he decided to whistle again, but since it was a little less amusing than playing an instrument, he ended laying down and stared at the sky. He had lighted a lantern, because the night had fallen already. It was falling so fast in the winter. No fish caught yet. Snufkin closed his eyes and let himself being rocked by the lake’s waves provoked by the wind.

“Snufkin, are you daydreaming?” Moomintroll’s voice echoed in his ears, and Snufkin opened his eyes and looked around to find himself being lying in a meadow with his friend. It looked and smelled like summer, but he could have sworn it was winter a minute ago!

“Moomin? Where are we?” asked Snufkin with confusion.

“We’re in a trip, of course,” Moomintroll answered as it was completely normal. “We were walking, and then you felt sleepy, so we stopped to rest a little. Are you sure you’re alright, Snufkin?”

“You and I? On a trip? Did I say yes?”

“Oh, yes, you did!” exclaimed his friend enthusiastically. “And you taught me how to play your harmonica! I’ve learned very fast! Should I play again?”

“Yes, please,” Snufkin said, as the surprise left to be replaced with tranquilness. He lied down again and put his arms behind his head, as he would usually do.

Moomintroll played, and it sounded really nice. He was playing the instrument very well. The tune was definitely a song of Snufkin, indeed. Snufkin didn’t know it, or at least he didn’t recognize it, but it sounded like one of his creations; wait, now, he could say it was his, but yet he didn’t remember he composed it. Ah, or maybe not? Oh well. Anyway, the sun warmed his skin and the look of Moomintroll playing his mouth-organ is a sight he would never forget.

Suddenly the wind blew on them, and Snufkin’s hat got blown away. “Ah! My hat!” he exclaimed sadly, and he wanted to get up to get it back, but Moomintroll took him his hand in his paw and held him back. Snufkin and he stared at each other.

“Don’t go, my song’s not over yet,” Moomintroll said reproachfully. Snufkin looked at Moomintroll’s paws, but the mouth-organ was nowhere to be seen.

“But my hat,” Snufkin said distractively. He looked around to see where it could have flown.

“Your hat is here,” Moomintroll said, and Snufkin looked at him to realize his friend, indeed, was wearing the hat. But he hadn’t noticed it a few seconds ago. How could he be wearing the hat? A raw feeling started to grow in Snufkin. The Moomintroll kept on talking, holding his hand tightly, “so now don’t go Snufkin, you promised me we would stay together.”

“Ah, but,” protested Snufkin. And he blinked to see that everything around them had started to become less and less colorful, and the trees had suddenly lost their leaves and the flowers had dried away. The grass had melted and he was suddenly feeling really cold. This was terrifying. The fear started to build up in his chest, and Snufkin tried to get away from Moomintroll, standing up. “It’s winter, Moomin, and I’m going,” he said hurryingly.

“Don’t go, Snufkin,” Moomintroll repeated slower, and he started to weep, and he let go of Snufkin’s hand to put his head in his paws to wail.

A huge blow of wind made Snufkin startle, and pushed him backwards; and when, covered in sweat, he opened his eyes with terror, he realized everything around him was black. He didn’t have the time to recover from his dream that he realized he was freezing to death, and braced himself with his arms to warm himself up, even if it was only a little. He felt all the hairs of his body straightening and his teeth were chattering. His hat was gone, his lantern shut off, and the raft wasn’t moving an inch. He bit his lips, shaking so much he could barely move. In the blind and confusing situation he was in, his attention got caught by something shiny in front of him, that was reflecting in the ice.

When he raised his head, he saw two diamonds shining the dark, and it was too late for him to realize they were the eyes of the Lady of the Cold.


End file.
